I am always learning and losing and failing to unlearn the lessons my life has limited me to.
The difference between wanting and needing.
The difference between what is good and what is desirable.
And the reality that needs are only needs because we allow it.
Needs are vines around my ankles as I wander through a land of plenty.
What I need is an unneeding.
I need to be free of the needing of life.
I need to unneed all of the things my broken bombshell brain believes essential to being, to beauty.
To break the belief that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I am the beholder and the beheld.
Beauty is not something I am entitled to.
It is an illusion for which… Alliteration eludes me…
I won’ t look myself in the eye and say, “you’re worthy, you’re wonderful, you’re winsome and winning and witty… You are the wild thing that wild things will for themselves.”
I am searcher of souls and new soils, uninhabited, seeking to plant a banner of self to say…
This is mine…
But will never be mine…
For what can a person own but herself?
And she should own it well.


One comment

  1. Beautiful! And so very true. Fortunately age eventually begins to help with the un-needing part. God was wise when he designed us!


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